If only pigs could fly

Newt Gingrich is surely one of the fattest politicians to run for the White House in recent years. He is truly a short, rotund porker, looking every ounce a man who loves to take home the bacon and wallop it down.  On the BMI scale Newt is well into the obese category. When  76 year-old Ron Paul challenged the decade-younger Newt to a 25 mile one-on-one  bicycle race in Florida earlier this week, the Fat One almost went into cardiac arrest.

Yet Newt, in his latest flight of fantasy, has no hesitation in declaring that the Moon will become America’s 51st state during his second-term presidency. For Newt, of course, the second -term is viewed as automatic, once his magic wand has restored the United States to prosperity.

“I think the number is 13,000 – when we have 13,000 Americans living on the moon, they can petition  to become a state.   By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon, and it will be American.  We will have commercial near-Earth activities that include science, tourism and manufacturing”  Newt Gingrich at Cocoa Beach, Florida.

Presumably, the Moon State will provide Newt with an inexhaustible supply of ever-younger wenches and an inexhaustible supply of pork to satisfy his twin appetites.

Back on Earth, Newt  still struggles to divert attention from the unfortunate consequences of his more youthful appetites.

“Back on the ground in Florida, Newt continues to try to put to bed his reputation with his wives, if not the wives themselves.  Just when he thought he was in a friendly forum in Miami, another pesky television correspondent asked him why he led the Republican campaign to impeach Bill Clinton for zipper disease when he was losing a struggle with his own zipper.” Wesley Pruden, ‘Off  to the moon with randy Newt’, The Washington Times January 27, 2012

Newt Gingrich is most popular among young voters. For they have no personal remembrance of his history as a political loser, as an unethical Speaker and as a serial philanderer. Yesterday, Bob Dole, a former Majority Leader of the Senate,  published a reminder about Newt Gingrich’s unsavory past.  The Republican primary voters would do well to take heed of his words of warning.

Columnist Mark Shields tells of an exchange – perhaps apocryphal, like so much of Newt – between Newt and Bob Dole who had the sharpest tongue in town. ‘Why do people take such an instant dislike to me?’ Newt asked.  The senator replied: ‘It saves them time.’ Wesley Pruden, ibid.

Tags: GOP disaster, inexhausible appetites, Newt Gingrich, unsavory past